Shadowland Podcast

Decided to try podcasting one of my stories.  Here is what I have thus far for Shadowland, my first ever Harry and Snape father and son fic, posted on potionsandsnitches.net.


Chapter One - Detentions Escape

Trading In My Ashes - Chapter Two

Two – Jail Keeper

 

Harry strutted.  There was no other way to describe it.  Perhaps it was that he didn’t care what anyone thought that allowed the strut, or maybe it was pride in something nobody knew about, or it could just have been a front for the truth.  Nobody knew as Harry Potter strutted through the hallways, smirking and making snide remarks what was really under his skin.  Not even Harry knew.

Ron and Hermione had abandoned him within the first week, although Ginny had held out longer before she too had called Harry a jerk and completely disassociated herself with him.  She was dating Dean now, although Harry noted with some satisfaction that she didn’t look happy with him.  He tried to ignore that annoying pang of pain in the pit of his stomach that came about when he saw her and knew that she was no longer his.  It is what he had wanted though, wasn’t it?  He had caused the split up after all with his attitude.

People stared as he moved past them, nose high and smirk on his face.  Every now and again he took pleasure in turning rapidly and stomping his foot at a younger student, or at a girl unexpectedly, making her jump.  Boyfriends threatened to beat him to a pulp, but Harry always took on the challenge and generally came out the victor, although he always ended up in detention over it.

After the second week of school McGonagall had threatened to remove him from the Quidditch team and Harry had scoffed.  They could give him detention all they wanted, but they could do no real harm to him when he was in charge like this.  They couldn’t kick him out of school because he was the only one prophesied who could defeat the Dark Lord, and he quite enjoyed having the run of the place.  The worst they could do was hand him off to Snape, which hadn’t happened yet, and even then all Harry had to face was long, grueling detentions that kept him from having to do his homework.  Not even Ron knew the truth, that Harry secretly did every one of his assignments, although he rarely turned them in.  Sometimes he turned in half finished papers when in reality they were only his first draft, and the finished product was at the bottom of his trunk in his room.  What were they going to do?  Send a note home to his family?  He laughed at the thought.  What family?

It was a few days after McGonagall’s threat that she came through on her promise and booted him from the team.  It had been after he’d been caught drunk up in the astronomy tower by Professor Sinistra, who had gone up there to prepare for a late night class with the third years.  Removing him from the Quidditch team was possibly the only punishment that could really hurt him, and it did, although he only allowed his behavior to escalate afterwards.  Flying was the only time he felt free of burdens and anger.  Flying was the only time he could let himself forget and be free.

Presently Harry was sitting on the grass under a tree near the lake as he skipped Charms class just to show Professor Flitwick who was in charge.  After he’d served a ridiculously easy detention the night before and then been told off for laughing through it, he had decided that he just wouldn’t go to Flitwick’s class for a week, maybe more.  It wouldn’t hurt his grades any seeing as how he wasn’t turning in any of his work anyway, although perhaps turning in O papers and getting an excellent grade on his test after not going to class for a long time would really show the squat little man.  It would show him that Harry didn’t need him to teach him anything at all, because he could do it all on his own.

Harry had been skipping a few classes randomly, although never Snape’s because he hated to put himself through those detentions, and only once McGonagall’s, because he hated the look of pity mixed with the stern look she wore while scolding him for missing her classes.  He also tried not to skip out on Care of Magical creatures, because he hated to disappoint Hagrid, who had never been anything but kind to him.  He wouldn’t talk to Hagrid, but he wouldn’t skip out on him either.

Suddenly feeling good in the warm sunshine, Harry stretched out and closed his eyes, hands behind his head, wishing he had his broom right now as he imagined himself flying during Quidditch practice with the rest of the team.  Probably a good thing that he’d been kicked off anyway.  The whole team were a bunch of choosers and losers and he didn’t want to be around any of them.  Well… except Ginny maybe.  She wasn’t bad like the rest of them, but he couldn’t think on that right now or he might need to do something stupid just to keep control… just because he could.

The sunlight was blotted out suddenly and Harry’s eyes snapped open to stare up at a tall silhouette with long black hair.

“What?” Harry spat, closing his eyes again and relaxing again, or at least in appearance.  He could get away with anything with the other staff, but not with Snape.  The man had been trying to push him out of Hogwarts since the day he’d first set foot off the train, and with his most recent behavior, he was positive the man had petitioned the Headmaster non-stop to have him removed permanently.

“Potter.  You are due in Charms.”  Snape’s silky voice held an air of warning that set Harry’s nerves on edge, but he kept his eyes closed regardless.

“So?”  Mistake number one.

Before he knew what was happening, he’d been roughly hauled to his feet, and in the process had lost his balance and nearly toppled back to the ground.  Damn the man was strong.  How could he just pick him up like that?

“What the hell?” Harry spat, feeling a little dazed.  Mistake number two.

“What the hell sir!” Snape spat back, surprising Harry that he had used his own language towards him.

“S- sir?” Harry said uncertainly, cursing inside that old habits died hard and five years of schooling had taught him to use the respectful title.

Snape narrowed his eyes at the surprised look on Harry’s face, and Harry schooled his face into a scowl again.

“You will address me as sir Mr. Potter, at all times, without question.  Am I understood?”

“Yes sir,” Harry said through gritted teeth.  Did that mean he was allowed to curse after all?  McGonagall would never have allowed it.  Neither would Mrs. Weasley he remembered as the stray thought crossed the back of his mind unbidden.

“Good.  Now get to Charms.  Now!”

Harry stood his ground, arms crossed.  “No bloody way, sir.”  Eyes narrowed he half expected the teacher before him to smack him upside the head for his attitude, but he was curious as to what would happen regardless.

“You have detention tonight with me Potter at seven pm.”

“For cursing?” Harry queried indignantly.

“For skipping charms.”  Snape turned on his heel and stalked off, making the sunny day feel more gloomy than it ever should have, and leaving Harry feeling, strange, about the encounter with his Potion’s Master.

That was strange, he thought, trying to work out what had happened.  He didn’t get in trouble for cursing, and he didn’t get in trouble for being defiant.  Those were things the other teachers had been jumping on him about for weeks now.  The only thing he was going to be punished for was missing class though, and even that didn’t seem to rankle Snape.

Picking up his bag Harry frowned as he went back into the castle.  Snape’s class was next and he was curious to see what else the pratt would do.

As Harry sat in the back row by himself, (on the Slytherin side), he thought about sending a gluing spell at Draco again, but decided that the last time it hadn’t turned out very well.  He didn’t like the thought of scrubbing out years old mason jars that had held brains of various kinds of animals all night again.  He was sure one jar had held human brains, and he hadn’t been properly hungry for days afterwards.

Ron and Hermione resolutely refused to look in Harry’s direction, as did most of the Gryffindors, even when Harry waded up a piece of parchment and hit Ron in the back of the head with it.

“Mr. Potter has earned himself a trip to the front of the room,” Snape said without looking in Harry’s direction.  He picked up a three legged stool and set it in front of the blackboard and waited for Harry to move as other people sniggered.  Nobody had ever been made to sit in the front of the class before, even after Neville once exploded a cauldron and shrank Snape down to the size of Flitwick.

When Harry hadn’t moved after sixty seconds however, Snape turned and said, “Well Potter?”

Harry gave a little smirk and cocked his head sideways.  “Not to the front of the bloody room sir.”

“Fine,” Snape said, not seeming perturbed at all, and Harry wondered if he’d taken a calming draught before walking in the door.

“Class, move your chairs to the other side of your work benches so that you can face Mr. Potter.”

Surprise filtered across the faces in the room, including Harry’s, before he snatched up his bag and with a scowl strode to the front of the room and plopped down onto the stool.

“Happy?” he asked with a scowl.

Severus made half a step towards Harry and he quickly added, “Sir,” stopping the man in his tracks.

“Oh, I am never happy Mr. Potter,” he said in a low tone so that only Harry could hear.  He then tapped his wand on the blackboard behind Harry and told the class to get to work.  Unfortunately for Harry, today’s potion was a long and complicated one and the entire class would be spending most of the two hour class looking at the board… and him.

As Draco sent a smirk his way Harry dragged out his cauldron and thought, ‘Fantastic.  Just bloody fantastic.’

* * *

The staff had conspired against him, as it turned out.  They were now assigning all of Harry’s detentions directly to Snape.  The man couldn’t have been happy about it, Harry thought, having to deal with his least favorite pupil, but Harry couldn’t be so sure, because he could not seem to rile the man one way or another, unless he withheld the all important title of ‘sir’.  Harry knew, because he had tested him this way and that, until he had run out of ideas.

Monday McGonagall had assigned him detention for failing to turn in any homework for two weeks straight.  He scrubbed floors all night in the dungeons.

Tuesday Flitwick asked Harry why he hadn’t turned in his homework that day with the others (which he had secretly in fact, slipped his homework under Ernie McMillan’s as the homework was passed from table to table on it’s way to Flitwick), and Harry had told him it was none of his damn business.  Harry had to write an essay for Snape until ten pm about not disrespecting staff.

Wednesday Madam Pomfrey gave Harry detention with Snape (which he hadn’t known she was allowed to do) for scaring some seventh year girls in the hall.

Thursday afternoon Harry was sent straight out of the Library by Madam Pince and down to Snape’s office for mindlessly ripping pages out of one of his textbooks, and Harry spent detention meticulously gluing every page back into place by hand.  In his defense he hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it.  He had been sitting doing his homework in secret and had spaced out he guessed.  The next thing he knew he was being shouted senseless and was surrounded by twenty or more pages on the desk and floor.

To round off the week nicely Harry volunteered to walk himself down to detention when he shouted at Ron in Herbology for knocking into him on purpose.  Professor Sprout stared at him and Harry said, “Why don’t I just go to detention.”

“Yes, that sounds like a good idea,” Sprout had said, and Harry grabbed his bag and sauntered out of the greenhouses.

Snape was in class seeing as how it was the middle of the day, so Harry opened the classroom door and stood on the threshold, just to be sure he wasn’t in the middle of a lecture.

The Professor looked up from the stack of papers before him on the desk and sighed, though none of the first years in the room had noticed that he had done so or that Harry was even there.

“What is it this time?” Severus asked tiredly after he had motioned for Harry to come forward into the classroom and he had come to stand beside the desk, bag over his shoulder.

“Detention sir.”

Snape only crossed his arms and waited for a further response.  Harry was content to wait him out, except for the fact that the first year students in the room were now looking up to see why there was an older student in the room.

With a roll of his eyes, Harry said, “For shouting at Ron.”

Snape pointed at a chair next to a timid looking first year girl in the front row, and said, “You will sit there for the rest of my class and you will take a copious amount of notes.  If I find there is anything missing, you will be spending dinner scrubbing toilets.”

Harry mumbled something with sir at the end and moved to the seat.  The girl kept shooting glances at him, perhaps to see if he’d start barking or stomp his foot at her as he often did older girls, but he brushed his irritation at her glances away.  He never bothered the first years.  That just wouldn’t be fair.

Snape began to lecture up at the front of the room, and Harry began taking notes, though he soon grew bored because he already knew the material, and began adding in other bits of information just to give himself something to do.  They were talking about tertiary root systems today, and whenever Snape mentioned a potion one of the roots was in, Harry listed as many of the ingredients to that potion as he could remember, and sometimes added in how long the potions took to brew.

At a little intake of breath next to him, he looked down to see the girl looking at the five pages of notes he had taken in awe, and then back at her own one page.  Not wanting her to get into trouble, he tapped her page with his quill to get her attention when she had looked back to his notes again, and realizing that she hadn’t been paying attention, she went back to her own notes again.  Snape had noticed with some interest that Harry had done this and thus kept the girl out of trouble, although Harry didn’t know this, and went back to his notes.

At the end of the class, Harry waited until the first years had hurried out and stood to hand his notes to Snape.  The man had wanted copious, so that’s what he’d given him.  Nine pages of notes.  Even Hermione would have been proud, if she’d still been talking to him.

Harry was on his way out the door when he heard the Professor behind him.  “Why is it Potter that you insist on getting yourself into trouble, but you become uncharacteristically nice in order to keep someone else out of it?”

He turned and just stared at his Professor.  Was being nice uncharacteristic of him?  “Well, you know me Professor,” he spat, “I’m just that awful boy that’s never nice to anyone.”  And then he left, suddenly angry.  True, he hadn’t been very nice to anyone, but it was the principle of the thing.  No matter what or who he was, he was always somebody else in someone else’s mind.  Last year he had been perfectly nice, but Snape and the Dursleys had insisted he was just a brat or a freak, or one of any other number of names they had for him.  Now he had become who they always said he was, and… Harry paused in thought.  And it didn’t matter, he told himself.  Just keep on and let them think what they want.  What do you need any of them for anyway?

Trading In My Ashes - Chapter One

Trading In My Ashes by JAWorley
Summary: What happens when Harry really is as naughty as Snape thinks he is? Why is Harry acting this way and what will the staff do about it? In particular, what will Harry do when he finds out all of his detentions are now being assigned solely to Professor Snape? In response to the ‘Bad Harry’ challenge.

Story also found on Potions and Snitches HERE.

Part I - Ashes

Chapter 1 - Lack Of Discipline

“Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty, and wear forgiveness like a crown, coming to kiss the feet of mercy, I lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross.” 

- Kathryn Scott ‘At The Foot Of The Cross’

September

The boy was insufferable.  Severus had been saying it for years, and now they had all finally agreed with him.

“I just don’t know what’s gotten into that boy.”

“It’s as if he’s possessed.”

Not possessed, Severus had told them each Monday at the staff meeting as Potter was brought up again and again for the trouble he had caused.  Just Harry, and that was the end of it in his mind, although the others still held that the child did not used to be like this.

“He was in the hall shooting bat bogeys at Peeves and laughing as Peeves scrambled for cover,” Filius said with an air of indignity.

“Well what about his friends?” Pomona asked with concern.  “Why aren’t they keeping him in check?”

Minerva waved her hand to dismiss the notion.  “No one in the tower will speak to him anymore.  From what Mr. Weasley says he’s set up curses around his bed and anyone who crosses the line into his space bursts out into pimples or something else unpleasant.”

Severus crossed his arms as he surveyed the room of staff who were at a loss for what to do to the child.  He had suggested expulsion on numerous occasions, but this was not to be, because the prophecy still hung heavy over Potter’s head and he needed to be trained for it if they were to defeat Voldemort.

Albus cleared his throat and said, “We will continue with his current punishments.  One night of detention for each offense he commits, and multiple detentions on the weekends.  I still hold hope that one of us can get through to him, or that the punishments will straighten him out.”

“He shows up late to detentions Headmaster,” Filius said.  “And last night he laughed all the way through mine, as if he didn’t have a care in the world!”

“And let’s not forget that he sometimes skips them altogether,” Minerva said.  “What are we to do with him when he skips detentions?”

Albus looked at his Potions Master who only raised a brow.  Expell the brat, he thought loud enough to transcend the link between his and Albus’ mind.  Albus only cleared his throat again however and said, “I believe I have a solution.”

Severus’ face fell.  Any solution that would come out of a look from Severus was not going to be a good one, as he was sure that the elder man would never expel the little terror.

Some of the staff shifted in their seats, anxious to hear what it was.

“Filius,” Albus intoned, “what was Harry doing for detention last night?”

“He was dusting all the candles high on the ceiling.”

“By hand?”  Severus voice cut across, and Filius shook his head.

“By wand of course!  How was he supposed to get up there to do it by hand?”

Severus rolled his eyes and the Headmaster turned to Minerva.  “What do you do to him when he skips your detentions?”

“I assign him the same detention for the next night.”

“I see.”

“Severus, how many detentions has Mr. Potter laughed through or skipped when assigned detention with you?”

“None.”  His voice was flat.  No, he did not like where this was going at all.

“And why is that?”

With another heavy eye roll, Severus crossed his arms in his seat and said, “Because I do not allow it.  If he skips detention I find him and drag his sorry carcass down to the dungeons for double detention.  He dare not laugh because he knows that if it appears he’s enjoying it, he will stay longer and work harder.  He served an all night detention last week for gluing Mr. Malfoy… to himself.”

Despite the severity of the trouble that Potter had caused in his Potion’s class, a few of the staff covered their mouths to hide a smirk.  It was no secret that Draco was no peach to discipline either, although he fell a far sight short of the attitude that Potter held.  At least Draco had the sense to keep his head low.  The boy also had a strict parent at home however that would floo to the school on occasion after receiving a disciplinary letter to hide the boy, and was not shy about doing it publicly.  There was no such discipline from home for Potter however.  In fact Severus suspected that the little cretin’s family was too lax on him over the summer, and that is why he had come back fully undisciplined as he was.

“Well then, for the time being at least, I recommend that all detentions Harry is to serve be served with Severus.  He will decide the severity of the punishment based on his schedule and the nature of the offense committed.”

Severus glared daggers at Albus, and this time the Headmaster raised his brow.  “You know full well that I have a full schedule and do not have time to babysit a brat that needs to be thrown out on his rear end Headmaster.  I have potions to make, lessons to plan, papers to grade, and a team to coach.”

“And, a fifth year Gryffindor who is now fully under your disciplinary control.  If need be I will allow you to assign a teacher’s aid to help grade papers and brew potions.  The aid will be paid from the school funds.  I would suggest a Prefect… perhaps Mr. Cromby?  He does plan on becoming a Potions apprentice after graduating, does he not?”

With another glare, Severus rose from his chair, all eyes in the room on him.  “I will punish the boy as I see fit, and there will be no complaints from other staff about it.”  It was not a question.

Minerva sighed then and said, “Severus.  At this point I’m open to almost anything.  He’s out of control.  I don’t know what’s happened to him over the summer, but he’s not the same boy that left last year.”

Severus restrained himself from saying that this would not have happened if the staff had clamped down harder on the boy in previous years, and instead turned his back and strode out of the meeting.  He had a Potions class in ten minutes, and he needed time to cool down before having to deal with a room full of first years.  They were only a month into the term, and he could already tell, it was going to be a long year.

Improving Your Creative Writing Skill

Improving Your Creative Writing Skills

By JAWorley

One – A Learned Talent

Some might say that a good writer is just born with this mysterious talent, and that it cannot be taught.  In truth, while there are people with a certain knack for some things, every writer has to start somewhere, and every writer must learn from mistakes and from other writers in order to improve their own natural skill.  You too can become a wonderfully creative writer if you learn how to take constructive criticism and learn how to use your eyes to spot the things you like and learn to emulate those things.  Along with this also comes learning what you do not like however, and avoiding these things.

Two – Your Writing Style

Somewhere in those fingers of yours is your own unique writing style.  How do you know what it is?  Well, you might not know what your style is yet, and that’s perfectly fine.  It’s time to find who you are as a writer and this is done with a combination of two things: reading and practice.

1) Reading

I truly believe that the good writers never stop being readers.  If you’re a sci-fi writer, read all the sci-fi you can get your hands on, and if you find an author you really like, read all of their works.  If you’re a fantasy writer, read fantasy.  If there’s a series you like, try finding some fan-fiction online.

Reading will help you do numerous things, such as build your vocabulary, see how other writers make certain situations work, give you a feel for the flow of words, and let you see the proper structure of sentences and paragraphs, as well as chapters and the entire book.  If you can pick up on these things through reading then you have an innate talent and a keen eye and things will become much easier for you as you practice your own writing skills.

When I began writing I picked an author I liked and tried to emulate her writing in my first story.  It was a six month endeavor writing my first full length work (600 pages typed in Word), but in emulating that author’s writing, I began to deviate from that style at points and my own began to emerge.  It gave me a starting place and I was able to jump off and on when I needed or wanted to.

Reading fan-fiction has many advantages when it comes to improving your writing skill.  First, you will be able to read about the same characters in different ways by many different writers.  This will help you to spot the many varied writing styles as opposed to reading all of the works by one author.

You will also be able to begin seeing some of the styles you like, as opposed to the ones you don’t.  Reading fan-fiction will also give you an idea of the things that just irritate the fire out of you, and therefore which things to stay away from.

While reading fan-fiction you may even become inspired to write some, which leads into our second point of finding your own style: practice.

2) Practice

Your writing style will grow and change multiple times as you practice writing a variety of different things.  It’s a good idea to keep all of your work so that you can look back on it at a later date to see how you’ve grown as a writer.  You may even want to date all your writing to help in this endeavor.

As I mentioned before you may want to pick a writer, or several writers to emulate.  Try writing different short or long stories emulating different writers.  Feel free during these endeavors to allow your own writing style to shine through when you feel it wants to jump out and do what it wants.

When you practice (as all writing is in reality, just practice) then feel free to experiment with different stylistic things (which we’ll cover later).  Experimentation will help you find who you are as a writer.  The important thing is, you will never know if you don’t try.

Three – Editing

It’s a good idea as you practice to edit your work as you go, and when you’re finished with each piece of it.  No reader enjoys reading a story with bad grammar or punctuation, strange sentence structures or words repeated twice.

A key to good editing is to read it out loud.  You can catch a lot while reading silently to yourself, but when you read something out loud certain things will just jump out at you when you hear it, that you might not catch in your head.

Please do not count on spell checker and the grammar checker on your word processing software, because the computer can be wrong… a lot.  A good rule of thumb is to look a the things the computer has marked wrong, but keep in mind that it can be wrong.  If you believe its wrong than ignore it.  You can always check grammar rules on line if you don’t know what the grammar checker is talking about.  But for instance, if you have a very short sentence it will pop up and tell you that it’s a fragment and you should fix it.  You may have wanted a short sentence for some sort of dramatic effect however, so this would be a good time to ignore the computer, which knows nothing at all about style.

If you know little to nothing about punctuation (periods, commas, semi-colons, dashes, etc) then please look online for the rules about punctuation.  The first step to becoming a good writer is knowing how to use punctuation.  Nobody wants to read a paragraph with no periods or commas used in all the wrong places.

You may also want to consider having someone you trust who is good at writing go over your work and edit it for you.  It is of course necessary to learn to take constructive criticism and use it to your advantage to become a better writer.  In the online world an editor is called a ‘beta’ especially in the realm of fan-fiction, and can be an invaluable resource.  Also in the world of fan-fiction you will have the chance to receive reviews.  You can take them with a grain of salt if you feel the reviewer or beta doesn’t know what they’re talking about, but it’s always good to at least consider what advice has been given to you.

Four – Stylistic Devices

Variety

As they say: variety is the spice of life… and as I say, variety is the life of a story, at least in sentence structure.  Pick a novel off the shelf and flip through the pages to where there is a lot of dialog.  Pay attention to how speakers are introduced and differentiated and you will see some variety (hopefully).  Both in and between paragraphs there needs to be some variety in words. Take a look at the two examples below to get a feel for what I mean.

Example #1

Peter jumped down from the rocky ledge and startled as he heard a wild cry from somewhere above him.  He looked up and shaded his eyes against the sun.  He began to run when he saw the enormous winged beast swooping down to attack him.  He ran quickly towards the tree line and hoped he would make it in time.  He finally made it, although he was out of breath.

Example #2

Peter jumped down from the rocky ledge and startled as he heard a wild cry from somewhere above him.  Looking up, he shaded his eyes against the sun.  Panic making his heart race, Peter took off at a run when he saw the enormous winged beast swooping down to attack him.  He ran quickly towards the tree line and hoped he would make it in time.  Out of breath, Peter finally made it, although he counted it a miracle as he heard the beast utter its terrible cry again from above the thick trees.

Do you notice a difference between the first and second example?  Go through example one and count the number of times ‘he’ is written, and then do the same for the second example.  Example one has the word ‘he’ eight times, while example two has the word ‘he’ five times, but if you’ll notice the word is used in different ways.  In example one ‘He’ is used to start the sentence most often and then becomes a prominent word, as opposed to in example two it’s used in the middle of sentences most of the time, and the sentences are structured in a way that they often start out differently, making the five uses of the word ‘he’ seem less redundant than in example one.

Variety in sentence structure is very important.  Nobody wants to read the same word over and over.  Not only does it make the sentence feel ‘odd’ but the words just don’t feel as if they flow right.  A good writer stops to consider how each sentence is structured and how it affects the way the paragraph feels and how it flows with the next paragraphs.  Let’s look at an example with dialog which spans several paragraphs.

Example #1

“What do you think?  Do you think I’ll get into trouble?” Peter said.

“I don’t know,” Jenna said.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Peter said.

“I just don’t know,” Jenna said.

Example #2

Peter sighed as he stared down at the broken plate.  “What do you think?  Do you think I’ll get into trouble?”

“I don’t know,” Jenna said with a shrug.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I just don’t know.”  Jenna noted the irritation in Peter’s voice and wondered if there was anything she could do to stop the oncoming tantrum she was sure he’d throw.

If you’ll notice, example one feels very flat and redundant.  Each piece of dialog ends with… somebody said.  It doesn’t flow very nicely at all and your reader probably won’t like it.

In example two we can see that sometimes the person speaking is introduced before the speech, sometimes after, and sometimes not at all (“What do you mean you don’t know?”)  This gives us some variety to the way the conversation flows.

We also see that you can add thoughts, movements, and emotions to the speech by noting how the characters are feeling, what they’re thinking, and what they’re doing before, during, or after the speech.  This is also important variety that will make the conversation feel diverse and make the reader feel as though it flows well.  Please keep variety in mind for the sake of your story, and your reader.  You will often have to stop and think about how something needs to be re-worded in order to give it some variety, but reading what you’ve written out loud will help with this, and you will be able to hear what is redundant.

Italics

Italics can be used to denote a change in the story.  Some writers use it to note a change in someone’s voice as they speak to let a reader know that special emphasis needs to be placed on that word.  Example: “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Italics can also be used for showing a memory as opposed to something happening in the present, or for showing something that is in writing, or even something that somebody is thinking.  Be careful with your use of italics however.  I have seen some writers get carried away, and before you know it everything is italicized and none of the words have special emphasis anymore.

Sentence Structure

One of the main rules of writing is that you don’t start a sentence with the words ‘and’ or ‘but’, however you can make exceptions to this rule if you think the situation really calls for it.  Be careful about doing this too often however, as it is meant to be an exception, not the new rule.

You should also be careful with writing fragments instead of complete sentences, although you can sometimes use a fragment to push across a certain point.

Example:

Peter scuffed his shoes on the dirt road as he walked away from the house.  Who were they to think they could yell at him?  It was just a plate.  One stupid plate.  How would his parents like it if he yelled at them for all the stupid mistakes he thought they made?  Not very much he’d bet, and he wished he could tell them what he was thinking.

In general you should know what you need each sentence to accomplish, and use that sentence to do it.  Sentences do move a story along in the sense that without them there would be no story, but don’t just write a bunch of empty, meaningless sentences that have nothing to do with what you need to get done or you will leave readers feeling lost, and confused with no idea what’s going on in the story, and no desire to continue reading.

Use your sentences wisely to get your reader to feel what your character is feeling, see what your character is seeing, and know what you need the reader to know.

Point of View

Generally stories are written in third person (he did this, they did that, she wanted this, he thought that, etc).  However some stories are written in first person, which means it is written as if the reader is seeing through the eyes of the main character.  (I did this, I did that, I want this, I think that, etc).  This is one of the style devices that writers use and it is all up to preference.  Personally I don’t enjoy reading or writing stories very often that use first person, but sometimes if it’s done well then I enjoy it.

Very, very rarely writers use second person, which is really a mix between first and third person.  (Peter stands in a corner thinking about the plate he broke) as opposed to (Peter stood in a corner thinking about the plate he broke) or (I stood in the corner thinking about the plate I broke).

I have read few stories that used the second person point of view and I did not enjoy any of them because I was so distracted with the way the story felt as I read it that I did not want to continue.

Keep these three points of view in mind and choose which one you feel will best suit the story you are currently working on.  You do not have to pick one and stick with it for every story, although generally third person is what most writers stick with for most stories.

Past and Present Tense

It’s very important to stick with one tense and not switch back and forth in a sentence or paragraph (dialog being the exception).  Let me show you what nobody wants to see:

Peter stood in the corner and thinks about what he’s done wrong.

It should read: Peter stood in the corner and thought about what he’d done wrong.  Or, Peter stands in the corner thinking about what he’s done wrong.  But don’t mix the two types together.

Above I mentioned an exception to the rule, and that’s in dialog.  You will probably be writing your story in the ‘past’ tense most of the time, but when somebody I speaking they can speak in past or present tense and switch back and forth during different pieces of dialog.  Example:

Peter stood in the corner thinking about what he’d done wrong. His parents were mad at him for the broken plate.  He had thrown it to the ground after all because of the bad news he’d received from his sister.

“Hi Peter.”  Jenna’s voice was quiet.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Will you throw any more plates down?”

“I want to throw one right now.”

Notice Peter didn’t say, “I wanted to throw one,” which would have been past tense, but instead “I want to throw one,” being present tense.  Of course he could have said, “I wanted to throw one a few minutes ago,” and it could have still been past tense.

Description

As with most of our stylistic devices we have to be careful with description.  Description is part of what helps us add that spice we talked about to our story, however, if you get too descriptive you can loose your reader and lose the point of the story.

Perhaps you want to describe how beautiful a lake is that your character has just come across, so you might stop to describe it for a few sentences.  The description should stop there however, and not continue on for many paragraphs unless this is the entire point of your story to describe how beautiful this one lake is.  If you only want to convey that the sight of the lake took the character’s breath away, then describe just enough to let the reader know what it is about it that took the character’s breath away.  Too often I’ve seen writers get carried away with description, and not just in one spot in a story, but throughout.  I severely dislike reading stories that are unnecessarily descriptive.  See the three example’s below.

Example #1: Too Descriptive

The grass was tall and green as Peter hiked up the hill.  It held as sweet scent and he noticed a butterfly perched on a blade of grass that reached just past his hips.  Reaching out for the butterfly he felt that the grass was prickly and the tip of the blade was sharp like a knife.  As the cool  breeze floated gently through his short blond hair, Peter heard some birds singing in the distance and he turned to look at the line of trees that were all exactly the same height about a hundred feet away.  He could not see the birds but his gaze was drawn immediately to a pristine looking mountain lake, nestled in a meandering valley between two steep mountains peaked with silver white snow not yet melted from the winter.  The lake glistened as the blue waters moved to and fro and he was transfixed, his breath caught in his chest as he saw an eagle swoop low over the distant waters and scoop up a silver fish in it’s golden claws.

Example #2: Just Right

As Peter crested the hill, he spied a glistening lake in the distance, nestled in the valley between two steep mountains, and stopped for a moment to appreciate the beauty of it.  It was a breathtaking sight, and he wanted to savor this moment as the cool breeze whipped through his hair and birds sung a love song nearby.  This was surely paradise.

Example #3: Not Descriptive Enough

Peter crested the hill and spied a lake.  It took his breath away.  He continued on his hike.

In example one the reader has to take in a lot of description in one small space.  If the character is going to be spending a lot of time at this lake, then perhaps it is warranted, but the writer may want to try giving the reader the description in smaller doses, such as a small descriptive piece when he sees the lake for the first time, another small description with new details as he gets closer to the lake, more little descriptions as he’s walking around the lake, etc.  If however Peter will just be passing by the lake and the lake holds no real importance in the story, than a brief description will be good enough, although it is important not to be too brief.

If you’ll notice in example three, it says that Peter’s breath was taken away, but there is nothing in the writing other than that to suggest that it was, or to tell the reader why.  Example number three is unbelievable then and the reader will then feel as though it is flat and not worth having on the page at all.  As a writer you are not in the business of taking up space on a page.  Make the words meaningful or don’t write them at all.

 

Five – Character Growth: Round vs. Flat

Most often one or more characters are the heart and soul of a story.  When you are writing characters you will have a number of different things to think about, but one of the most important thing is character growth.

Think about real life.  If somebody were to write a story about your life starting at age two and ending at age 25, what would it look like?  Imagine if an author wrote about you between those ages and you never changed as a person?  Not only would you not be able to do more things physically than you could do at the age of two, but you would have the emotional maturity of a two year old as well.  In real life you have gone through trials and ordeals and learned from mistakes, grown and matured as a person, both mentally and emotionally.  Characters in a story need to grow and mature in the same way.

A flat character is a character that never grows.  This character never learns anything, never learns from mistakes, never changes, and never matures.

A round character is a character that grows.  This character learns new things, learns from mistakes, changes and matures emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (if the story calls for it).

Sometimes authors intentionally write flat characters such as an antagonist that just never learns his or her lesson.  But generally the main character is a character that is always grown and maturing at least a little from start to finish.

Flat characters are not only unrealistic but they’re boring to read.  Who wants to read a story where a character goes through an ordeal but never changes?  Of course different people can go through the same thing and grow in different ways, so there are endless possibilities for the writer to use.

Six - Knowing When To Quit

Just as knowing when to quit when writing descriptive features of a story, it’s important to know when to finish up a chapter, or the story as a whole. This is different for each writer and each story, but there are some things to take into consideration.

Generally I have a goal for each chapter and each story.  When the goal has been bet for a chapter, I finish it up, and the same goes for a story.  Some authors press forward and just as with over describing something, they turn the story from a masterpiece into overkill.

It will take some practice to figure out just where things should end, but remember that so long as the story feels finished, and feels right, you can leave it in a little bit of a cliff hanger.  Let’s say for example your character has dealt with all of the emotional issues he or she has been dealing with in the story, and that was the main goal of the story.  The reader knows things will turn out well for the character and knows the character is on their way to a happy life.  You as a writer do not have to go into detail then and describe how the rest of the character’s life went.  Sometimes you can take the story too far and ruin the perfect mood you could be leaving the reader with.

This is of course one of those stylistic things that is up to author preference and is one of those things you will have to discover as you practice.

Seven – Inspiration

If you're running low on story ideas, plot bunnies, or just need a muse altogether, then it's time to get inspired.

Here are the things I do to get inspired:

1) Listen to music.  Just sit and really listen to the words of your favorite songs, or go on YouTube and listen to songs that are the genre of music you like but perhaps not necessarily the normal bands you listen to.  Pandora.com is a great way to do this because it helps you discover new music you didn't know you liked!  Jot down lyrics or feelings or images that come to mind when you are listening to music.  Don't be afraid to listen to music turned down low while you're writing too.  Sometimes just the melody is inspiring.

2) If you're in the middle of writing a fan-fic and get stuck, don't be afraid to ask readers for help.  Ask them what they think, what they want to see happening in the story, or any ideas they have.  Even if they don't give you ideas you are going to use, they might get you thinking along a different track and get you out of your writer's block.

3) Find a friend or a good Beta on or offline that you can really sit down and talk the story over with.  Explain what you want from the story and get their feedback.  Sometimes just talking about the story helps you think it through a little better.

4) Write out a general summary of each chapter, even the ones you haven't written yet.  This helps keep the story moving because if you get stuck at least you know the general direction you're going in.

5) Use challenges on sites like Potions and Snitches to get inspired.  Sometimes readers have a story all thought up for you that they want to read, or other writers have a story they want to see but don't have the time to write themselves.  You can take these challenges and run with it, changing it how you see fit.

6) Get inspired by real life.  Watch TV shows and movies to get ideas, and watch what's going on around you.  You don't have to write your life story or the story of someone you know, but watch people's reactions to life events and see how they deal with them.  Apply real life to your stories to make them realistic.

7) Look at pictures occasionally of the characters you are going to be writing about.  Believe it or not this can inspire you just by seeing a look or feeling one portrays in a picture.

8) Ask yourself questions.  What have you wondered about certain moments in the movies or books that were never covered fully?  Can you write about that?  What would happen if you threw two unlikely characters together in a humorous or serious situation?  What would they do?  These are all plot bunnies waiting to happen.

9) Don't be afraid to throw out what you have already.  If you're part way through a chapter or story and things just aren't working out, toss it out and start again.  It's ok, really.  Sometimes it comes out  better.

10) Take a break.  Sometimes I hit a bad patch of writers block or apathy for a story I'm working on and need a break from it.  I work on other stories, read other fan-fics, or do nothing at all during these breaks.  A break might be a couple of days, or a few months or more.  Usually, when I come back to my story, something new has happened to inspire new writing.  When you've had a long break from a story, read what you have from the beginning of chapter one up to where you left off, and start working again.  Yes, a break from your stories can work wonders.

Another Picture Challenge

Your goal in this challenge is to use one or more of the pictures below in a story.  You must look at the picture and write about the state of the character (emotions in the image as well as physical state... are they bruised, is their hair short or long etc).  You must also use the surroundings of the person in the picture and some part of the story must take place there.  Example (if the picture is taken in a field, some of the story must take place there in the field).

NOTE: Click on image for larger view.

Snape:

 

Harry:

Draco:

Ron:

Apprenticed: Eight - Facade

Written by JAWorley

“Well?”  Snape raised a brow when Harry walked in empty handed without the supplies he’d been sent for, and instead his face was a mess from the fire.

“Nope,” Harry said, running a hand through his hair, obviously stressed, but there was something else in his expression too.

“Nope what Mr. Potter?”

“Didn’t get the ingredients.  Got engaged though!”  He grinned for a moment and then rubbed soot out of one of his eyes.

“At what cost?  Did you burn the alley down?”

“Almost.  Someone took Ginny hostage in the Apothecary.  I tricked him and stunned him… he sent flames off with his wand and they hit the ceiling.  Then Aurors burst in, read me the riot act and I left with Ginny.  God,” Harry said suddenly.  “The Weasley’s are going to kill me now… she’s not even graduated yet!”  He hadn’t thought about that.

Snape crossed his arms.  “Is she pregnant Potter?”

Harry snorted.  “No.  Like she’d let me get-” he paused and then after turning red briefly, said, “she’s smarter than that you know.  We both are.  We just, want to be married after she’s done with school.  But that doesn’t mean Mrs. Weasley will let me anywhere near her until she’s finished.”

“You are probably correct in that assertion.  However, that will not be possible.”

“What won’t be?”  Harry frowned.

“You will be at Hogwarts with me for the year.”

“But what about the shop?  I thought I was to tend it while you were away?  Have I done that badly?”

“You have done better than expected.”  Harry turned around to find Kingsley behind him, arms crossed, sans Draco Malfoy.

“Sir?”  Somehow he had come in the door unnoticed… or perhaps he had been cloaked and listening all the time?

“Potter, I’m pleased to inform you that you have been excepted into the Auror apprenticeship program.  And congratulations on the engagement.”  Kingsley smiled, and Harry wondered with a look of shock on his face if this was the same man who had just yelled at him an hour before.

“I don’t understand.”

Kingsley raised his eyes to Snape, and then said, “When applicant’s apply, they are put through a series of tests, to see if they really are fit for the position, mentally, physically, and emotionally.  We knew your magical prowess was up to par after the defeat of Voldemort, and that you were physically fit, but your state of mind and maturity still needed to be determined.  This test is different for each applicant of course, and for you it included placing you in an undesirable situation with a person you were well known to not get along with.  You adapted incredibly fast however, changed your attitude, and showed that you would be able to work with somebody you previously despised.  This was important considering that Mr. Malfoy is in the program, as well as the fact that you may frequently encounter other Ministry employees that you don’t like.  Your maturity level was shown to us when you persevered through a difficult situation, and decided that you would train yourself in every way possible, preparing yourself for your eventual acceptance into the program.”

“But the tingling… the mistake.  I’m apprenticed to Master Snape,” he rambled, confused that his life was suddenly upside down again.

“You were placed under temporary apprenticeship to Severus.  Auror apprenticeships change twice before you’re done with the program.  This way you get to train under multiple Aurors.  You will continue to be apprenticed to him for the next year while on assignment.  Only this time, you’ll be trained as a spy in a way that most other Jr. Aurors will not get the chance to have.”

“What assignment will I be on at Hogwarts?”

Here Snape stepped around the counter and said, “After your defeat of Voldemort last year, we received word that there was… another dark wizard trying to come to power, this one a student, much as Voldemort himself was when he first vied for power.”

“Do you know what house?”

“We do not, although we are fairly certain it is not Gryffindor or Slytherin, although we are not 100% positive.”

“We know the student is male and is in seventh year.  You will be posing as Professor Snape’s apothecary apprentice, much as you have been.  You will help him grade papers, teach classes, and tutor students.  This will give you the opportunity to get close to suspects, and relay information back to us via Professor Snape.”

“I don’t believe this,” Harry said.  “This morning you were ready to tear my head off, and ten seconds ago I became a Jr. Auror.”

“Believe it Mr. Potter.  Bring this new… dark lord, to justice, and you will move up as a secondary auror with your peers Mrs. Diggle and Mr. Malfoy.”

“Were they in on this?”

“No.  Mr. Malfoy is being informed now that you are being inducted as an auror, and is probably throwing a fit as we speak.  Mrs. Diggle really did get handed the wrong apprenticeship slip.  If she wishes, she can drop out of the program at the end of next year when her apprenticeship to me is up.  We were surprised to find that the two of you had made a study pact and that you had taken on extra duties not needed for an apothecary.  When Severus informed us of your exercise routine, we knew you were getting close to meeting our standards.”

Harry blew a breath up at his hair.  “But you knew the whole time sir?” he asked him.

“Not exactly,” Severus said.  “I was displeased to be tricked, much as you were.  The morning that you returned from the Sirens however, Kingsley informed me of the deception and as a member of the Order I agreed to train you as a spy to root out the menace at Hogwarts.”

Harry grinned.  “I must be dreaming.  Am I allowed to tell anybody?”

“The Weasley’s and Ms. Granger only, seeing as how they are also members of the Order.”

Harry nodded.  When Kingsley had left, and Harry had plopped down on the couch in the back, Snape sitting next to him as they had done a few weeks before, Harry grinned, and asked slyly,  “Er, I don’t suppose you’d let Ron move into the apartment upstairs with me?”

“You will be at Hogwarts.”

“Not all the time.  I’m still your apprentice aren’t I?  We could train him in the last few weeks just to run the shop… not to make potions or anything,” Harry added quickly.  “Then he’d have a job and a place to live.  You know how it can be… doesn’t want to live at home with Mrs. Weasley by himself while everyone else is away.”

Severus sighed and crossed his arms, “The things I do for you Potter.”

“Is that a yes?”  He waited with baited breath as Snape looked poisonous, as if he were making a big mistake.

“He will be here at five am and stay until seven pm every day until we leave for Hogwarts.  If I am to train a new apprentice he will agree to ALL of my terms.”

“Yes sir,” Harry grinned.  “I’ll tell him right away.”

THE END

A/N: Ron does take the job (because Snape will be at Hogwarts), and tends shop happily for the next year until Snape returns.  Harry roots out the bad guy at school, and when Ginny graduates, they get married, and Harry does get apprenticed to Tonks.  And Draco continues to throw a fit all through training.  And Jennifer?  She stays in the program until she finishes it and becomes a good Auror.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!  I liked adding the twist at the end, and it was planned from the start.  While I’d really like to write a sequel to this, I don’t think I will.  I’ve got other stories to finish.  Check out some of my other works if you haven’t already. 

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